Finally the Pretence is Over
by patmar 34
Summary: One-Shot of Donna and Harvey in the aftermath of the events of 710
1. Chapter 1

**Hello fellow Darvey shippers; so I am still recovering from THAT kiss! So decided to put some words to paper into a one-shot; which may become more, we'll see. I had dialogue flowing through my mind the moment after the kiss - the emotions - shock, disbelief, confusion, anger (a bit perhaps) blame, regret, realization, action !**

 **So decided, using all of these emotions, to come up with this aftermath of the kiss story. Enjoy! xxx**

 **'Finally the Pretence is Over'**

 **...**

Donna woke up late, much later than her usual 5.30 am alarm call. It was after 7 am, the light shining through the gap in her curtains was blinding; she groaned turning over in bed, her head felt like a wrecking ball had hit it; turning over she saw the empty bottle of wine and glass, still half full, … she tried to regain her thoughts … at first not realizing what had led to the wine and the nausea …. but then it hit her!

The night before, "shit", she murmured, "shit, shit, shit!" Last night what had she been thinking; well for once she hadn't been thinking; Donna wondered about fate right then and there in bed, in that moment. Had everything led them to that one point; a crossroads now lay before them; surely they could never go back from this; but maybe that was the point! Donna didn't want to go back; it was too painful now, the thought of returning to the pretence they had danced around for too long; the pretence that they were nothing more than boss and employee, colleagues, friends …

Maybe it was all a dream; it wouldn't be the first time she had dreamed of Harvey in that way, but no, she pressed her fingers to her mouth, running them along her bottom lip; she could still feel where his lips had pressed against hers in eager response. She replayed the events in her mind, checking with herself. Louis had set her off on this course, without knowing it, on that fateful path. His emotional speech combined with Mike's plea to tell Harvey how she felt! Perhaps the fate's had finally aligned for them.

When Louis poured his heart out to her last night, it had finally all made sense to her … she couldn't lie to herself or to Harvey anymore … yes .. she wanted more … but that 'more' was with Harvey. Louis … damn him …. but God he was right !… she had to tell him … no regrets! And she did let him know, only in that moment, she had known, that it was never so true that actions would speak louder than words …. She knew the only way to really get through to Harvey was true her actions, and that is why she had kissed him, seizing her moment ! She just had to know if there was a chance for them !

...

After showering, Donna took 2 Tylenol for the headache, did her hair and make up and then dressed in a silk blue wrap dress. She then put on a beautiful burberry full skirted coat. Finally looking at herself in the mirror, Donna felt she was good to go. Her style was her armour for battle today.

Only now she had to figure out how to avoid Harvey for as long as possible ... she needed more time to process what she would say next ... and she knew he would need time too ...

…...

Later at the office, Donna had successfully managed to avoid Harvey all day; she had the link to his online work diary, so knew when to avoid the office. She even took an extended lunch that day. Her heart was racing … she couldn't even bring herself to turn on her phone since last night. She worried that he would have tried to call, but equally worried that he might not. What a contradiction her life had become. Throughout the day she had found herself day dreaming about the events of last night. It was difficult not to, when her office was the place in which it had all transpired!

She had acted last night instead of speaking to him and she knew why. Too often they had tried to talk … have a conversation about them ... but always one interrupted… a defence mechanism against the danger of the truth 'of them' coming out.

...

It was dark early that October evening, Donna decided it was safe to leave the building, he was not scheduled to return for at least an hour.

As she left the elevator in the PSL lobby she found the courage to turn on her phone finally; she looked down hearing bing after bing of missed call notifications … nearly all from Harvey, a part of her was relieved that he had tried to contact her. She felt guilty for not answering ... but then ...then she heard him loud and clear in the PSL lobby coming towards her. There was no escape now!

"Going somewhere?" His voice was harsh.

Donna was like a deer caught in headlights - her breath caught in her throat as her eyes darted up from her phone to Harvey's pensive gaze.

"You know your phone was off?!; but then you knew that, didn't you?" Harvey's voice was accusatory.

Donna swallowed before thinking of something to say, her mouth opened, but Harvey spoke first.

"Donna!" Harvey stated sharply.

"Harvey", her voice was choking as she fidgeted with her phone. Evidently nervous.

"Something wrong with your phone" he sounded mad now ... and it broke her.

"It's been giving me some trouble ..." her voice was shaking.

"I bet it has!" he said sarcastically.

"Look Harvey before we ..."

But then he cut through ... He was growing impatient with her and she knew it.

"So I think you owe me a few moments of your time, …. don't you?!" she could swear he was looking at her lips in that moment and it unnerved her ...

"What the hell happened last night DONNA or did you think we were just gonna carry on as normal ...?"

He stood before her in an intimidating manner demanding answers.

"I thought you said you were happy for me!" he waited demanding a response.

Donna just looked at him nervously ... trying to find the words ... thinking to herself, her eyes darting between Harvey, her phone and the exit door ...

He's angry, and she hated herself for putting him in this position; but even now she knows it was the only way. She loves him and she can't even bear not to be around him, even when he is angry. She realizes since last night that she has always loved him. An inevitable tidal wave of feelings washed over her when they kissed last night, now she ached for him, for his touch ...

Let him hate me now, she pondered; it will pass she tells herself, better some days of misery now than a lifetime of regret! At least she will know that she had tried that she did not let the moment pass, as Louis had stated at Norma's eulogy. Her heart broke to see him so angry with her. She had caused this pain within him. Knowing how he felt about infidelity. At least she had stopped the kiss when she knew he wanted more ...

Still staring at her for a response ... Donna felt she owed him an explanation ...

"I thought I was …. no! I thought … no I tried to be happy for you Harvey… I really did try ...but …. I can't be …. I can't do this dance around this ... around you …. anymore Harvey … I refuse to play this torturous game with you", Donna looked defeated, tired placing her hands into the air as if in defeat, she had lost the war ... now time for honesty between them for once ...

"I've had to watch you ... chase ... after women Harvey, every woman ... ...but... me!

"Then when I date someone …. It bothers you! … But you still never want me Harvey, this thing between us, it's driving me crazy don't you see ?...!"

Harvey raised his hands running them through his hair in frustration, " He knew it was the truth ... he couldn't defend his actions!

His face and stance suddenly softened ... she could feel it.

"What ... are you saying Donna ….? He asked in a soft tone rarely used by New York's best closer.

"Are you saying …. Are you saying you want us to be… to be together?" Finally it was out there .. the words that had always evaded him.

"I'm saying …. I didn't want to have regrets Harvey …. If something happened … I wanted … I needed you to know ... how I felt … before it was too late, I needed you to know ..."

"Donna …. I'm with Paula …. You .. you … know that … why now, I need to know why now..?"

"Why now ?… why now Harvey?" Donna was in disbelief, anger began to rise within her.

"When Harvey… when is more like it?"

"When WE have EVER got close to THIS conversation before, you have shut it down OR refused to answer or even go there…. I used to wonder what was so wrong with me … that he doesn't want me …. but now I realize it is you Harvey, you are the problem; it is not me … and to get closure I just had to try …. Because you never would have tried! I had to have no regrets in this life about us!" Donna had tears in her eyes now threatening to stream down her face.

"I need to know that I put it out there ... that I tried for me ... for us, OK?!"

Harvey felt he had been punched in the gut by Donna's admission, he had never known she felt like this, well he never admitted he may have known; it ached within him to openly know this now; the suffering he must have caused her! And that he was responsible for it, he always believed she was too good for him, she was different, that he would only hurt her, but now realized it had happened anyway! By trying not to hurt her he had done so anyway ... it had all been for nothing ...

He wanted to try explain … to comfort her in some way ... what a mess .. he thought!

"For starters; you had your rule Donna! I wanted to respect that." He stated softly.

"Harvey come on ... don't play that card now ... after all this time ... don't you think it's a moot point … it has been 13 years Harvey … 13 goddamn years!"

"You told me to put it out of my mind Donna, and I did, I did as you asked, well I tried, as best I could. I admit it has been difficult, but I did as you wanted, didn't I?!"

Suddenly Donna looked thoughtfully towards Harvey, he was right, she had started it ...

"Its true; I did ask that of you; and I'm sorry for that Harvey, more than you will ever know; I was young, naive perhaps … but being around each other every day … after we had ... it was too much Harvey .. I fell for you … OK ... I admit it .. I fell for you ... the moment we met and yes I am in love with you! godammit Harvey Specter; I'm guilty as charged; do whatever you want with that information!."

Now it was Harvey's turn to look like the air had been taken from his lungs suddenly, she does love me he thought, she really does, he felt such relief in that moment, such relief! But still he couldn't find the words. An almost smile formed on his lips after the enormity of her admission. But still he felt torn with the context in which it had happened ... Paula.

He looked at Donna with regret in his eyes, all those years, he thought, why hadn't he risked it! why? !

Donna interrupted his thoughts "Harvey, the ball is in your court now … I'm not going along with this charade, this pretence any longer, it's not fair to either of us!."

He finally found some air and choked "Donna, I'm sorry, please ...", tears had started to well in his eyes.

"Harvey ... right now, I'm going home …. you know where I live ... goodnight!" she said softly, holding back the tears; and with that she was gone, out the revolving door of the PSL lobby; finally allowing the tears to run down her face out of his view.

...

He wanted to go after her, but she deserved more ... he had to do something first. He had to do it right this time ...

After Donna had left, Harvey sat sown on a bench in the lobby, everything Donna had said running over and over again in his mind … all that she said was true, he could not defend himself, but now he could change things, after last night, he had to admit he wanted Donna, since they kissed she was all he could think about. He was in love with her. He could finally admit this fact to himself that had remained hidden deep within his soul.

Years ago he had resigned himself to the fact that Donna and he could only have a platonic relationship ... but now ... now he wanted more ... so much more ... there was still time for them to sort it out ... but he knew he had to do something first ….. before he chatted with Donna again ….. he had to go and break up with Paula. He knew that his current relationship had just been a distraction from his true feelings. How had he been so blind he thought, as he got up to leave the lobby and go speak to Paula one last time.

...

 **Still getting over that kiss from 710 ? !**

 **Thank you so much for reading, would love to get some feedback ?**

 **;) Mary xx**


	2. Part 2

**So I decided that my One Shot 'Finally the Pretence is Over' wasn't gonna be a One Shot anymore. It deserved more ;)!**

 **I would like to thank everyone for their support, reading and reviewing my work, it means the world to me, thank you!**

 **Finally I** **would like to dedicate this chapter to a special friend of mine 'vickster51' for your endless support, advice and friendship, it is so much appreciated xx**

 **'Finally the Pretence is Over'**

 **Part 2**

Harvey left the lobby when he had somewhat finally regained his composure; he was still shaken, the evening had took a turn he hadn't envisaged, he had been tormented by Donna's kiss last night; the feelings it had stirred up within him, he had been confused, and this had led to anger, misdirected anger at Donna; when there was only one person he should have been angry with, himself.

He had to put things right; he had to stop hurting people; he had to make things right with Donna and that meant firstly breaking it off with Paula immediately. He realized now he had been running, running away from his true feelings for Donna. The thing that had scared him most in life to this point was letting Donna know how he felt about her, but now the much greater fear was losing the love of his life forever!

He found himself wandering the streets, not wanting to go home, he knew he would have to face Paula, tell her the truth, not an experience he would relish, admitting he had been wrong, but he owed her that much. He dreaded the possible fallout.

He was already late, he saw several missed calls from her, but he needed to regain some composure before facing her. He figured she would already know something was up. He hated himself for hurting others through his own denial. He realized now that no other dalliance or relationship had ever held a candle to Donna, she was it for him and would always be.

If Donna hadn't kissed him the other night, he wondered if he would have ever plucked up the courage to act on his feelings. It scared him to the core to know if she hadn't given them that jolt, he may never have acted until it was too late. He just prayed it wasn't too late now.

He found a bar, ordered himself a scotch for Dutch courage. He knew he was being a coward, the great Harvey Specter, afraid of the truth. He decided to order another drink to muster enough courage to face the music.

He then took out his cell phone, he had to let Donna know, she had waited long enough, he began to text _'Donna I am so sorry. this is all my fault, I'm going to put things right, please wait for me, please, H.'_

...

He arrived back home sometime after 11. She was still up, waiting, perched on the edge of the leather sofa in his apartment.

"Harvey, you're back!", " Paula exclaimed; she appeared to be on edge.

He knows, she knows, that something is up ... there is no hiding it now.

He decided to cut to the chase, not feeling able to drag it out. Not wanting to. It's not fair to anybody at this stage.

"I need to talk to you," his voice shaky, he didn't want to hurt her, but there was no easy way to say it.

"Sounds ominous Harvey," Paula exclaimed cautiously.

"What's happened?, you were due back hours ago; you didn't even answer your phone, I thought something had happened ... for God's sake!"

Harvey fidgeted with his hands, looking down, where to start, he thought...

"The truth Harvey, please ...you owe me that much at least ….. please ….something is not right ... I just know it ... I feel it!" Paula was becoming agitated.

"Something did happen ... Last night ...I ...um Donna …. I kissed Donna", it was out there now, no turning back.

Donna didn't deserve the blame, if anyone cheated it was Harvey, he may not have been officially with Donna, but he felt as though he had betrayed her; denying their connection; his love for her all these years. Donna was right, she had to watch while he dated and chased anyone but her for years. He had been cruel in his attempt to not screw things up with her.

Harvey didn't expect the reaction he received from Paula, she was especially quiet now.

"Paula …. please say something … anything?" He implored her.

"Say what Harvey?….. that I'm shocked?" She laughed to herself momentarily "I really do choose them, don't I ...?"

"No Harvey ... unfortunately I'm not shocked…. surprised perhaps? … but not shocked … you see I'm sorry too Harvey …"

"I knew ….. I knew that your heart was not there for the taking, and I tried anyway, what does that make me?" Paula looked at Harvey almost apologetically then, looking away into the faux fire that was turned on.

Harvey looked back at Paula somewhat puzzled.

"It's her …. It's Donna …. isn't it? I don't even need an answer, its obvious Harvey, to everyone but you! Your heart has always been with her … all these years, hasn't it ? You've been fighting it tooth and nail ... but love wins out ... you can only hide from it so long I guess."

"I was your therapist Harvey … I should have known better …. And for that I'm sorry ... so very sorry."

Paula looked away again, deep in thought.

"You know ... she even came to see me once ... before all of this... at my office."

Harvey looked up, suddenly interested.

"Yes Harvey, Donna came to my office ... looking for you" Paula peered across at Harvey instinctively irked that speaking of Donna had managed to fully get his attention.

"But you didn't know that .… and after our little chat … I knew … I knew that she was in love with you."

"When?" Harvey wanted answers now. "When did she try to find me?"

"Sometime during Mike's trial ... the timing doesn't matter Harvey."

It was Donna. It mattered. It mattered to him.

He felt he needed to be honest with Paula; perhaps not doing so before had caused all of this.

"To be fair Paula ... I wasn't entirely honest with you either ... when we first met ..." he looked down at his hands nervously, wanting to look anywhere but at Paula; the guilt was eating away at him; all he could think about was Donna ..."if I'm to finally be honest with you, I have to be honest with myself first ... you see Donna was never just my secretary ... we did have a history ... it was our secret" he smiled slightly, without even realizing he had, at the thought of 'the other time' "and I guess ... I fell for her ... I realize now ... that ... that I'm in love with her!" He said it, it was out there now, no turning back. The relief washed over him, of telling another soul his deepest secret.

Paula gasped, hearing him say it aloud; after listening to his admission it finally all made sense to her now ...

"You slept together ...didn't you?" He could hear the bitterness in her tone.

"And what Harvey? You thought you could just go back to normal ... forget it ever happened?" She laughed now in disbelief.

He could detect a a slight sarcasm in her tone. He stayed silent there was nothing else to say, now she knew.

"But I guess I'm no better dating a former patient ... all against my better judgement. Maybe it _was_ jealousy … I wanted to experience that kind of love."

She looked resigned now ... everything made sense, all the jigsaw puzzle pieces had fit together.

"Don't waste any more time Harvey ... yours, hers, mine even … don't hurt yourself or anyone else … don't you see the two of you are running around in circles, as the saying goes Harvey 'you've both ruined each other for anybody else'."

He couldn't deny what Paula was saying and more so he didn't want to, he was in love with Donna, his heart was 100% hers, that was true.

He felt terrible, he had really messed up all these years, hurt so many people, but mostly Donna.

"I'm just going to gather my things Harvey... just go to her! …. You know you want to!"

"Don't worry I'm not going to trash your apartment Harvey, I just want to leave in a dignified manner and you being here, I'd prefer if you weren't … please give me some space ... it's the one thing I ask of you now" she implored him.

Harvey knew it was the least he could do, and he felt like a shit, but it was true, he needed to be with Donna.

He stood to leave, grabbing the overcoat he had placed on the sofa only moments previously.

"I understand ... take all the time you need ... I AM sorry Paula ... truly sorry. I guess I was still pretty messed up."

"I know Harvey ... I'm sorry too .. take care," she was saddened but sincere in her tone.

"Tell Donna ... tell her I'm sorry" Harvey could tell she meant it in that moment.

And with that he left his apartment to go finally make things right with Donna. Lord knows he wondered why she would still want him ... the way he had treated her all of these years ... he hoped he could make it up to her ... he vowed to spend the rest of his life trying if nothing else.

...

Upon returning home Donna had thrown off the day's workwear and put on her favourite black sparkly loungewear. She had then curled up with a glass of wine onto her sofa, what an evening, what a run in with Harvey. What did she expect, she was a fool to think that there wouldn't be such ramifications from their kiss; a fool to think he would change, perhaps she had ruined things between them forever. But at least he knew how she felt. At least, as Louis had said, she wouldn't regret not letting him know her true feelings for the rest of her life.

Surely the aftermath could not be any worse than going back to the pretence that what they had with each other was enough. She at least knows he feels it too, he kissed her back, but that didn't mean he was willing to act on his feelings, they had been here before on the verge of something that had sent him running backwards rather than propel them forwards towards each other.

She had seen the text as she drank her third glass of wine ... she dared to hope ... but she had been here before so held herself back.

Just when she was almost asleep Donna was roused by 3 firm knocks to her front door ... she didn't have to guess .. her heart leapt with hope but also dread.

When she didn't respond, the knocks came again and then his voice ... the voice she loved; she couldn't say no to him; but more than that she needed to see him too.

"Donna ... Donna, I know you're there, please ... I need to see you." Harvey's tone was apologetic and desperate.

Looking at the clock on the wall she could see that it was 12.40 am.

She walked to the door timidly, she had to see him, the kiss the other night had awakened her need to be close to him physically. What trouble that kiss had stirred up. It may be the making or the breaking of them she figured.

Upon reaching the door, Donna put her palm on the back of it, as if to feel closer to him.

"I don't want to fight anymore Harvey ... I'm tired .. tired of this dance, this pretence." She called through the door to him.

"I don't want to fight either. I meant what I said before .. _Donna_ ... I am so sorry .. none of this .. is your fault .. this is down to me .. I messed up ... I tried to be different with you ...but I fucked up ... I knew you were special _right from the start_... I knew I would only mess it up ... and by trying not to hurt you, I still did."

Donna did not want Harvey feeling solely responsible, he was right earlier .. she had started this with her rule many moons ago.

With that thought she opened the door to Harvey, who was more dishevelled than she had remembered earlier.

"May I come in," he smiled sheepishly at her, his eyes were red.

Donna nodded, stepping aside, she could see he had been crying, it caught her breath ...

"Thanks for opening the door Donna ... I won't take long ... I just had to see you ... I ... I couldn't leave things like they were left earlier ..."

He moved over to her sofa and sat down. He looked defeated in that moment she thought.

She went to her kitchenette and grabbed a clean glass and poured him some wine; She was nervous for where this conversation would take them.

"Donna ... you know I never ever meant to hurt you."

Donna could see the emotion in Harvey, he was barely holding back the tears. She knew he was being sincere.

It reminded her of the night she had left Harvey to go work for Louis. In front of her tonight was a broken man like then.

Donna was dying inside seeing the man she loved so vulnerable in front of her. It was breaking her too, she had never seen him as broken as this. Perhaps they needed to be this raw with each other for anything to change, she considered, but God it was killing her to see him so upset.

He choked back the emotion "Donna ... I never wanted to hurt you ... above anyone else ... I thought ... I stupidly thought that if I didn't get too close to you ... that I wouldn't be able to hurt you ... but ... but _I fell in love with you"_ his words were soft, the words she had dreamed of hearing him utter.

Donna had gasped slightly at his sincere declaration of love.

"I love you too Harvey, _always_ .." Donna sniffled back her tears that were threatening to fall.

Suddenly the reality of their situation hit her again "But Harvey ... Paula?"

"It's over ... it would have never worked ... she knew ... she even said you came looking for me once; I guess she figured us out before we did. She was like all the others ... because _they weren't you Donna ... they could never be you!"_

"I'm so sorry for everything I have put you through, I'm yours ... if you want me? I've treated you so badly, how can you ever forgive me ...?"

"Harvey there were two of us in this dance ... this charade ... , if this is going to work we are going to have to focus on the future, not regret the past, it led us to the people we are now. No regrets." She smiled with a smile that lit up her eyes.

"My God ... you're beautiful ... I've always wanted to say that Donna ... "

Donna blushed at Harvey's words.

"I've always wanted to hear you say that _to me_!" She admitted blushing.

The tears rolled down his cheeks, he tried to stifle them back, but to no avail. Years of pent up emotions and suppression of his feelings were now spilling out.

Donna felt an urgent need to comfort him, their years of building walls with each other were crumbling in mere moments, she could feel it.

She took him then in her arms ... at first he resisted, but then he caved, falling into the one embrace he had craved and denied himself for all these years.

"Shush Harvey ... its ok now .. everything is ok now ... WE are gonna be OK." she knew it, they were finally letting each other in.

"You see" he sobbed "I'm more like my mother than I realize, I have been in a way cheating on you Donna, I know not technically but in here." As he pats his chest close to his heart.

This admission takes the breath from Donna.

"Harvey, no ... don't do this to yourself ... this is not down to you ... there were two of us in this ... it started with my bloody stupid rule!"

She caressed her hands through his hair. Kissing the top of his head.

They stayed like that, comforting each other for what felt like hours, but what was in fact mere minutes.

After some time they broke apart, Harvey took her hand and looked into her eyes with love.

"Do you realize all the times I've wanted to reach out, to hold you in my arms ... but I knew ... I knew if I did that Donna, I wouldn't be able to hold back ..."

Donna gasped nodding her head, tears welling up in her eyes, it had been the same for her. Both afraid they would be overcome with emotion. That the truth of their love for one another would come out by a mere touch.

"Me too Harvey, Me too." She admitted with a bright smile, her eyes glistening with tears.

Finally they were on the same page ... in the same moment.

"I can't go back Donna ... we've missed so much."

"I know ... no going back ... not now ... not from this," she nodded in agreement with Harvey.

Then in that moment they caught each others gaze, it reminded her of the moment on this sofa over a year and a half ago; the night he had saved her from a near certain prison sentence.

His gaze was intense, focusing on her lips then moving back to her eyes and back again.

He took her wine glass and his own and placed them on the coffee table beside them.

Harvey leaned towards Donna focusing his gaze on her lips. Pushing a strand of her beautiful hair behind her ear.

Before she had time to register anything else, Harvey had placed the softest of kisses on her lips, filled with love, tenderness, honesty and passion.

Donna opened her mouth, drinking him in, the kiss became more urgent, desire filled them both, no holding back not anymore.

Harvey moved over Donna who was now lying back pressed into the armrest of her sofa.

Harvey broke apart suddenly, looking down tenderly at Donna; wanting to make sure he did this right, for Donna. She was his entire world.

"Are you sure, we can wait?" he panted, secretly hoping she wanted to continue too.

"We've waited long enough" she smiled up lovingly and longingly at Harvey, as she drew him down to meet her once more.

There was no going back now, they had waited for this second time for far too long.

Finally the pretence was over!

The End

...

 **Thank you so much for reading!**

 **Hope you enjoyed it !**

 **Mary xxx**


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